I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Princesses don't give blow jobs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
