I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
