i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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