Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
