my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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