I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
