I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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