The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
