I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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