after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
