I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
