you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
