What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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