my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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