An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
