Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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