no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
