He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
