i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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