I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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