Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you win again, gameday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
