If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
