So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
