it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
