You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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