Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
