The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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