No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you never un-have a 4some
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
