You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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