I wanna passion pit in your ass
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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