For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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