Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
