I have demons in me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
