google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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