I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
