i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
