I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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