Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
