hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
