I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jerry, you need to find god
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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