rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
