Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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