:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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