Pappa wants mamma naked
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I will pee on everything he values.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
