he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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