Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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