drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
