You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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