We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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