Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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