ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
