The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
