forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i think im in europe. pls send help
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
