I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
50% drunk capacity currently
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
