just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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