Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
