I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
