He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
