I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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