i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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