I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
