In the future we'll all be gay
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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