Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I forget how to act sober
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