I accidentally had phone sex last night
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
