I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
