yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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